Love per de Botton
The concept of rightness is the error
When you marry the wrong person, you're simply marrying a human being
The vision of the right person is the trouble
Adultery = the cycle of hurt continues. We look for happiness elsewhere only to confront the same issues again
Love is filled of day to day mundane things
What romanticism does is to remove these and only show the passionate feelings
Love in public life
Loving people who are different from us
Politeness
Family is a great test bed for love because you didnt pick them and you cant quit them. We are forced to find compatability in them. We have to apply the same attitude in public life
Compatible person
We need to make ourselves safely weak and vulnerable in relationships and we're not use to it because we're used to being strong.
Flirting is natural and advantageous. Not necessarily sexual.
Kissing means I accept you in an intimate way that would be revolting with another
Sex is continuos outside the bedroom.
Online dating
Friends and family around the relationship can be conduits of patience that can prevent the relationship from blowing up
Why do you throw urself to marriage?
The premise that we are imperfect is consoling for a culture that demands perfection
Pessimistic realism
The problem is not our deficiencies but our way of approaching problems endemic of being human
Love is something we can learn and make progress in. It is a skill.
Resist the idea of a conflict-free love
The more generous we can be towards our flawed humanity, the better chance we have of doing the difficult work of love