v2

Ask of Me Whatever You Desire [1]

And his head was brought on a trencher
and given to the little girl,
and she brought it to her mother. [2]

What isn't here is the look in my parents' faces when they realized they had walked into a birthday party. They've chosen to make sheep out of their own children. Shepherded by dogs who forbid the blowing of candles, the singing of pagan chants. The photographer was my aunt. I could see the revolt in her eyes reflected on the lens. Believe me. We have hidden long enough behind our matriarch's skirt. My grandfather, a lost cause. My sister and I, we had no use of severed umbilical cords. But this day was our cousin's. And it was ours as well. This spitting on the face of the godhead. This rolling over mummified papyri. I have no memory of this. But here, I see my tiny hands holding my sister's hat underneath mine as if to save her from such an unholy object. As if to hold on this one and only day.

[1] Mark 6:22, The New Testament. David Bentley Hart.
[2] Matthew 14:11, The New Testament. David Bentley Hart.

And his head was brought on a trencher
and given to the little girl,
and she brought it to her mother.*

What isn't here is the look in my parents' faces when they realized they had walked into a birthday party, with their children, right after Sunday service, from a church whose pastors teach their sheep not to celebrate birthdays. The photographer, my aunt, was the architect of the revolt in a family halved by believers, led by my grandmother, and nonbelievers, led by my grandfather. Really, it was the birthday of a cousin, older than me by a few years, one of us, the son of believers. But since my sister and I have never celebrated our birthdays, this day was ours as well, they said. I have no memory of this. But here, I see my tiny hands holding my sister's hat underneath mine, ignorant of what hats are for, or perhaps unconsciously saving my sister's hand from such an unholy object, or perhaps unconsciously holding onto this one and only day.

* The title is drawn from Mark 6:22, and the opening verse from Matthew 14:11, both from David Bentley Hart's translation of the New Testament.